Get Out Of Grief Free Card

It is 2:30am. And as I lay here on the couch next to my sweetly sleeping milk parasite I cannot sleep. I keep replaying my day and trying to figure out what is wrong with me. Do you think its possible for a person to become "full" of grief? To experience so much sadness that they are no longer affected by it heavy tread? When I lost my mother to her own hand in 2003 I was crushed. Left with the usual "what ifs" and anger that suicide produces. When I lost my father to medical complications in 2006 I was destroyed. It took time and therapy and the love of my Hubby, sister, and close friends to bring back my light. Now I measure every loss against that pain. And while one day I'm sure to cross that threshold of hell it isn't today. Today I found out one of my fathers brothers was brutally murdered. And all I can muster is, he is in a better place. How hollow is that? All day my phone rang and my facebook popped and everyone wants to know if im ok. So while I lay here unable to produce the proper response I will slow tomorrow down. I will take the time to love and cherish my girls. To build our life with the happiest memories I can. So whenever that pain does come again, to myself or my girls, we have a deep well of love to draw from and soothe our tender hearts until we are all together again. Now I will close my eyes and try to dream of three reunited brothers riding their horses over the last mountain together.

Co-Napping

As a new mother to two under two, if I could give one piece of advice it would be the gift of co-napping. Bug still goes down for an afternoon nap that lasts anywhere from 1 to 3 hours. I already had her on a flexible nap schedule because little girl gets some major diva attitude if she doesn't nap. When Sunny came along it only made sense for them to go down together to give me a little sanity time. In the beginning I used this time to catch a little shut eye myself. Now that Sunny is almost 3 months old I use this time for ME time. I used to clean the house but now I find ways to do that boring brainless task with the girls. Nap time is now fitness time. Or knitting time. Or just sitting down in complete silence without some small lovely parasitic cherub sucking my life force outta my boobs. And my house might be a little messy, my mail my stay unsorted, my laundry unfolded, but it gives me the little bit if alone time that resets my Mary Poppins Mommy Clock. I'm able to have a little more patience, a little more YES. And that is so important to me. I have to tell Bug "No" four hundred bazillion times a day any time I can say yes I will. Yes you can play in the mud. Yes you can climb that tree.Yes you can help chop vegetables for dinner. So do NOT fell guilty for taking a little Mommy Time Out. And leave a comment, what do you say yes to??

Facing your Parental Fears

Everyone is always telling me I worry about my Girls to much. Especially my Hubby. And for the most part they are right. While I would love nothing more then to cram my bumbling, distractable 2 year old into a nice padded soundproof sphere its just not practical. My house is far to small. So instead, about 100 times a day I close my eyes, and all the air is sucked from my body while I pray to any form of higher power willing to help, that Bug will not fall from whatever bazillion precarious perches she mischievously finds herself upon. How else will she ever learn balance, and a rational fear of heights if I don't let her do a little solo exploring. And you would think it would be the old oak tree out front, or the tippity top of the slide at the park, or off the back of the couch which she uses as a balance beam that would do her in. Or her own two feet. A week after we brought Sunny home. While out for the only walk per day my cesarean recovery allowed. While standing right next to me, Bug tripped. Falling head first off the last porch step. Onto hard rocky ground. How do you figure out if something is seriously wrong with a hysterical midget that cannot freaking talk? She was such a trooper. Cried for about five minutes and then was very calm unless someone touched her. But no matter what we did, itsy bitsy spider, patty cake, high fives, food bribes she wouldnt use her right arm. So off to the ER we went. With a newborn. And me still on pain meds. Oh yeah and a two hour drive one way. Poor kid was such a trooper. Until the nurses tried to take her temperature and then the blood curdling, screaming ridged body, eye rolling fear began. Two sets of XRays later and its a broken clavical. Only thing to do is brace her arm for as long as she would let us and give her some pain meds of her own.Longest eight hours of my life. .