I'm so tired. Complete Mombie. I'm not really sure exactly what happened or when it happened but Bugs sleep schedule went down the drain. Just when I was getting all look at my baby, sleeping almost all night long and in her crib too. I must be the perfect mother. Life steps in and kicks me in my giant momma balls and brings me back to reality. I think I got 3 hours of sleep last night. And that's a good night. I think I'm keeping Foldgers Coffee in business.
No one ever tells you the really real story of how your life is going to be like with a baby. Or maybe I didn't hear them over the hormonal need to reproduce. Cosleeping sounds all warm and fuzzy. You get to nurse and sleep. You get unlimited bonding with your baby. But in reality its like sleeping with an alligator that wants your boobs for its last meal. I thought I had it bad when she would latch on and sleep all night long, as long as I stayed in the same position. But I was wrong. Now she latches on, falls asleep like a little angel, and then flails all. Night. Long. I don't think she stops moving ever. I get slapped, kicked, headbutted, puked on, you name she does it. After the third heel kick to the nose I lost it. And I really try not to do that with her. At this age I think anger is not something she should feel directed at her from her parents.
See there I go getting all self righteous again. So I threw off the blankets, threw a pillow across the room. Might have screamed "this is so not fucking fair. Mommys need sleep to be good fucking mommys. I'M DONE!" And then I stormed to the couch, laid down, and listened to my daughter howl her rage. until my heart broke.