Friday, June 28, 2013

Get Out Of Grief Free Card

It is 2:30am. And as I lay here on the couch next to my sweetly sleeping milk parasite I cannot sleep. I keep replaying my day and trying to figure out what is wrong with me. Do you think its possible for a person to become "full" of grief? To experience so much sadness that they are no longer affected by it heavy tread? When I lost my mother to her own hand in 2003 I was crushed. Left with the usual "what ifs" and anger that suicide produces. When I lost my father to medical complications in 2006 I was destroyed. It took time and therapy and the love of my Hubby, sister, and close friends to bring back my light. Now I measure every loss against that pain. And while one day I'm sure to cross that threshold of hell it isn't today. Today I found out one of my fathers brothers was brutally murdered. And all I can muster is, he is in a better place. How hollow is that? All day my phone rang and my facebook popped and everyone wants to know if im ok. So while I lay here unable to produce the proper response I will slow tomorrow down. I will take the time to love and cherish my girls. To build our life with the happiest memories I can. So whenever that pain does come again, to myself or my girls, we have a deep well of love to draw from and soothe our tender hearts until we are all together again. Now I will close my eyes and try to dream of three reunited brothers riding their horses over the last mountain together.

1 comment:

  1. There is no "proper" response. There is only your response. And I think you are reaching for the light in building up a well of love. I like that idea.